Relationship with Mom and Self

We all have or had a mom.  That person who carried you in her womb and brought you out into this world.    Some of us feel we’ve won the mother lottery and others not so much.  

Some moms are just bad at being moms.  Some are good moms.   Your relationship with your mom is a vital component of yourself.  No matter what situation you are in, I ask you to see how your mom is still impacting your life?   Is it in a good way, a reactive, negative way, or a neutral way? 

 Do you hear yourself say things that your mom said to you that you swore you would never say to your kids?  Do you do things that remind you of her?  For some people, this is a great thing, and for others, it’s not a great thing.   The important part is how do you feel within yourself when you do realize the connection? 

 Our moms are an indelible part of us.  It’s hard to get the wiring of mom out of our system.  Your entire being developed in her body.   While coming to terms with who our mom was and how we choose to relate to our mom, or not, can take a whole lifetime to embrace, the triggers that mom ignites in us can be the signposts for the healing journey we need to take to undo them. It is possible though. 

 Recently, I helped a client and a friend shift their relationship with their moms, so they are no longer charged when talking or being around their moms.  It’s not about changing mom.  We can’t change anyone else.  But we can change ourselves and neutralize our reactions.   Being in that neutral state with our moms is possible.  Please know that. 

 In the meantime, as we honor Mother’s, take this time to truly honor yourself.  Do what you can to mother yourself in the way you wanted but maybe never received.  Feel back to the little girl inside of you and ask her what she truly wanted and needed from mom.  See how you can try and give that to yourself. 

I loved my mom dearly while she was alive, she was the ultimate doer and was great at getting things done.  She had her lists and loved to check things off.   I’ve got a lot of that in me.  But as a little girl, I never felt the tender loving care of a mom who would take the time to really cherish her daughter while doing things.  The issue that came up for me when I thought back to my little girl within was bath time. Mom washed me like it was one more thing to get off her to-do list.  When I realized this as an adult, I took a bath and imagined receiving the tender loving care of washing myself in a way that I wanted back then.  It was so healing and powerful for me.  It also brought up a lot of tears. 

 What do you need to mother yourself more?  Give yourself permission to find ways to spend time with just you and explore what YOU really want and need, now and as a little girl.  Be kind to yourself.  Say no more and do more of what you want to do.  Spend time with just you!  Just BE! Feel inside and see what shows up for you.  Allow whatever wants to surface to come up.  Embrace it, allow it, and love it.  Just like you might do for your children.  Do it for yourself. 

 Mother Yourself As You Always Wished Your Mother Had Done.  This can change everything.